The United States of Jed

Ya know, I've almost started a blog about 4 times a year for about the last four years. Am I marking my territory? Is this basically virtual scrap booking and I have truly turned into the soccer mom I feared I might? Or is it an attempt to further unite two of my many personalities?

Well for now, lets just go with all of the above.

Hi, My name is Jack Flash. Not really, my real name is Jed. Well technically that isn't true either, but this blog is about connecting just two of the many "me's". I've got an online life. Not one of those second life lives, I am not WEIRD. Ok, I am weird, just not in caps.

There is a place on the interwebs called Comicbookresources.com. (CBR) On this little oasis in the cold dark net is a place I've made a home. Or at least part of me has. So I guess around 2003 I started lurking on this Message Board about comics. I don't remember why I started actually posting, but around 2004 I did. Ever since then, well Jack Flash was born. Jack is a lot like me, well technically, I don't want to give away too many secrets (cuz really what would a super-hero be without a secret identity), he is me. I try to stay true to who I am, but Jack is a LOT more sociable. He makes small talk look easy. He knows his comicbook shit and isn't afraid to speak his mind. He's alot of the good that is me. Just more chatty, especially with strangers. Maybe that's the true gift of the net, it allows folks to be who they really could be if things like social paralysis (in my case) didn't hold them back. Sure, the anonymity of the net allows for certain folks to be basic fucktards, but it also allows folks like me to speak without the encumberance of awkward social settings.

So on CBR, there is a place called the X-Boards, it's basically a place for folks to come and discuss the Marvel Comics under the umbrella of the X-Men and their ilk. The X-Ghetto if you will. Hear that sound? That's the sound of loads of comic book fanboys across the universe who are possibly reading this shaking their heads slightly and tsking with dissaproval. Which is fine. But it doesn't mean that they aren't fanboys all the same. The X-Books have a "You're what's wrong with the industry" reputation among the main community that is the comic geek. Which again, is fine, in fact I am glad to be a part of what's wrong with the industry. I revel in it. Anyway, on this board, there is a thread called X-Cresence. It's a kind of catch all community thread in a board that is mainly focused on X-men comics and this place is more specifically home. It's good and welcoming and full of interesting folks. Ok, at it's best it's those things, 9 times out of 10, it's decent and not overtly hostile and has some folks that I wouldn't throw into traffic. Alright, sometimes it sucks, but doesn't every place. Especially one you consider to be home. Anyway, I have met folks there that I consider friends. In fact, some of the folks on there are really good friends. Even if I haven't met them, which I know sounds and feels odd at times. I think the casual reader would also be astonished at the amount of gay men who read comics. Pre-Internet, I thought I was the only one, but in fact, with the X-Men in particular, there tends to be a 50/50 split of gay folks to straight. Maybe it's something about the allegory of mutants being born different and hated for those differences. It's powerful in it's simplicity.

So hi, I'm Jack Flash. I read comics and love under-dog "throw away" comic characters. I also love the indy books that nobody else notices. and life is particularly good. So hi, I'm Jed. I'm a gay dude with a long term boyfriend and a job that is alright. I'm raising my sons to own their geekdom like a badge of courage. I have an obsession with music from my youth and like reading memoirs and satirical humor. I can also dance like a champion especially for a chubby white boy.

So in short, Howdy, from all of me, or at least some of me.

Not Gay Enough or Not Picked to Live in a House

So once upon a time in the mid to late nineties, and to give you some background, I was a proud out gay young man. I had the rainbow necklace. Check! I had the size 32 "Eff" me jeans. Check! I had the Malcolm X quirky glasses. Check! I was the poster child for Generation X queer. I worked at a Coffee Shop. I had a degree in business that I considered to be a mistake. Check! Check! I went out to the bars 4 nights a week. I flirted but never sealed the deal in a totally prudish way. I dug the crap out of the concept of martinis, but actually hated the taste, but still ordered them. I totally loved hoodies in an inappropriate way. I'd work the Doc Marten's and the Chucky Converse low tops alternately until they fell apart. I wasn't a twink. Even when I was skinny enough to almost be one. I wasn't fashionable, except perhaps in my lack of fashion sense which was the fad of the times. I wasn't "cool" or even "kewl", but I was real.

I'd recently escaped Dallas (still thankful) and I was journalling on a daily basis. Check! Check! Check!

So, in my mind, I was a poster child for the angsty new breed of gay dude stepping out of the cloud that I'd spent the first part of the decade in. Gone was the closet. Gone was the chubby insecure geek. Gone was the doubt. Well most of it anyway. All that said, I was practically raised by a TV, so this was my plan:

So on that fateful day in Downtown Austin I walked into a dumpy dance club on my lunch break to audition for duh duh duh, The Real World. Yes, I know. But I was sure of my chances. I went through the cattle call. Picked up my 3 page application. I have no recollection of what they asked, but I remember sitting in between this long Fabio type haired male stripper and this bitter biker-esque lesbian having to explain a couple of the questions. I am certain I journalled about it later. I fill it out, yes Fabio, you may borrow my pencil. An hour later, I get my name called. I walk upstairs for my interview and it's Jasun from the Real World Boston cast. The poet. The douche bag poet. The Effing douche bag poet with a girlfriend named "Timber". He interviews me.

DB Poet: "So, Jed is it? *purses lips* What's your purpose?"
Jed: "Like what? What's my purpose? Like in life?"
DB Poet: *annoyed* "Um, yea, it's a question."
Jed: Blah Blah Blah, Crappity Crap
DB Poet: "It says here that you are gay?"
Jed: "Um. Yea. I guess it does."
DB Poet: "You don't seem like a gay guy."
Jed: "Um. Sorry."
DB Poet: "You seem more, I dunno, just not gay. Are you being yourself? I mean, please, be yourself."
Jed: "Yea, this is me."
DB Poet: "O.K., we'll do it your way then."

The interview continues for a few more minutes, but it was clear that he wasn't buying it. The douche bag didn't think I was gay enough. Not every gay man is the same. My dreams. My future stardom. My chances for trips to the MTV music awards were dashed. By a "poet" with a girlfriend named "Timber".

In all honesty, he did me a favor. That was the season with Irene of Lyme Disease Fame. And I would have totally been a dramatic hot mess.

False Advertising

Once upon a time when I was a kid of tweenish age and sensibilities, I was busy reading comics and not getting laid (and really this period lasted way longer than it needed to). There was a brilliant ad that was in all of the X-Men comics that I read. It simply captivated my geekish virgin brain. My imagination ran wild once it soaked into my brain. The ad, simply implied that 1 in 4 children was a mutant. For those of you who were off experimenting with dope and beer and getting laid back in 1987, a mutant in the Marvel Universe is the next step in evolution from homosapien to something superior and the change happened at puberty! And when this ad came out, yes, you guessed it, the pubes were a’growing. Mutants were, due to their genetics, gifted with super-powers. Some of these powers were amazing and others were pure curses. Whether good or ill, these powers made regular folks hate and fear the difference in them. Maybe it was because I was a budding gay man who already could sense the immense difference inside my tween soul. Maybe it was simply because I was a dork, but my brain raced each time I saw this ad. I already understood the danger and thrill in being different. I knew I was that 1 out of 4 that was a filthy mutie. I was certain my super-powers would form at any second. Would I have powers like Storm – To control the Weather! Or like Colossus – To turn into a man of organic steel! Or like Blob – and gain 700 pounds! Each day was a different power. Each day a different adventure. Would I have hair styles like any of these folks?


Slowly I came to the realization that I sadly was not a mutant.

no powers manifested. Damnit.

But still it’s a cool ad. I bought it.